I wish I never told my mom I didn't believe in God. It seemed harmless at the time, but now that she is battling cancer, and possibly losing, I wonder if it bothers her that I don't believe in God. What if she thinks God is punishing me by taking her away? Silly thought, I know.
We talk about religion. I'm not against it, it's just not for me. She needs to talk about God and prayers. That is what she thinks is giving her strength. It's comforting to her to know that people are praying for her. I don't pray for her. I spend time with her and help her. Prayers are nice, but they don't feed her, dress her, or pay her bills.
My sister has a friend who is a hospice nurse. She told her how people at the end stage of their lives might see people. One patient in particular told her she saw a man but she didn't know who he was. The nurse told the sick woman to ask the man to come closer so she could see him, but she still didn't know who he was. The nurse then told the woman to describe the man. The woman said he had long white robes. The nurse told the woman that she could take the man's hand and walk with him if she wanted to.
Interesting.
My thought is that at the end of your life, when you are quite possibly delirious, you might see things or imagine them in your mind and they might look very real. I think it is planted in our minds what heaven and our end will be like. We're told of a white light, pearly gates, the forms of deceased loved ones, and maybe a man in flowing white robes--Jesus?
I'd like to think that my mom might have such visions. I would love for her to see her son, Brian. It would give her great peace at the end to know she is going with her son. Of course I don't believe that actually happens, but at the end, people need to not be afraid. I think the end is scarier for a non-believer. If the afterlife is all a farce, at least it is a way for people to die without worry.
See, I don't want to die. I won't be reunited with my brother. I'll be dust.
