The express pass to heaven

One very vivid memory I had as a young Catholic child was being taught about what God thinks of suicide.

At a young, impressionable age they teach you that heaven is the perfect place. Everyone strives to earn the right to go there. But you have to wait until God calls you to heaven. There is no express pass. But is there? Yes, of course. Your express pass to heaven is death. And if your life is really crappy, wouldn't you prefer to be in heaven?

Children are told this glorified tale of what heaven is. And not surprisingly, it is customized to that particular child. This is what I thought heaven would be. It would be fluffy white clouds below my feet and a vivid blue sky above me. God would be floating around and he would be in a long, white, flowing outfit. He would have a long, white beard and friendly eyes. I don't see anything around me, like toys and candy, but those things are there if I want them. I'm promised that my deceased relatives are up there, but as a young child I really only feel safe around my immediate family, so I'm glad God is right there. I know I can look down on earth to see my family if I want, so I don't really feel too far from them--I just can't touch them or communicate to them.

A story I heard as a child was that of a boy who loved God so much that he didn't want to wait to see him. So he killed himself. And since we were taught that suicide was a sin, that boy couldn't go to heaven. Isn't that a really shitty thing to tell a child? But I'm sure it prevented kids from taking the easy way out when they got in trouble with their parents. If it wasn't considered a sin, don't you think every kid would at some point want to take the express train to heaven rather than get grounded or paddled? As an adult, I now look at this story and think how awful God is to deny access to heaven to a young boy who only wanted to be with him.

I think back to the many ways I was brainwashed as a Catholic child. I now think it was wrong, of course, but when you think of it, it was a really clever tool for adults to keep their kids in line.